Another Good-bye

We said good bye to our little Foster son a few days ago. What a sweet boy. We were so blessed to know him. We have many special memories from our time with him.

We got the call one afternoon in Late February—a newborn baby boy. But I was in Florida for Cru legal team meetings, and Jeremiah was home with the kids. We decided to call back. Then more information, then they chose us. We would pick him up from the hospital the next day. But I still wasn’t back from Florida. Thankfully, my parents were there to help, and my dad even got to go to the hospital with Jeremiah. Then I was further delayed when my flight back was cancelled due to a freak ice storm at my stopover location… But I managed to get a flight back late that night, getting into San Francisco around 11:00, then taking Bart, then driving home…

That was how it started.  There were the sweet cuddles with the tiny newborn—the precious face. Eating, sleeping, doctor visits.  I had forgotten the weariness that accompanies nights with a newborn, awake every couple hours. “I am getting too old for this” I told myself many times. But I watched him gain weight, I watched his tense little body relax in my arms when his needs were being met. I carried him everywhere in the sling—the place he felt most secure.

I have to admit that I questioned if it was worth it… I thought: ‘I am doing all the night duty (with Jeremiah’s awesome help of course), but I have no guarantee that I will get to enjoy the joy of the next stages—laughing, rolling over, sitting up, sleeping better, crawling, jabbering.’  The unknown future; the uncertainty of how long any foster placement will be—It can feel exhausting when you want to know what the future will hold. “There is a relative” they said…

But then I did get to see him change; I saw the first smile, then the laughs, then grabbing at things and pushing up on his arms. I watched every developmental step of those first few months. I smiled at him and laughed with him. The kids entertained him, and we all gave him kisses upon kisses on his sweet little cheeks. He knew us; he felt safe and loved.

I also got to build a relationship with his parents as I saw them every week for visits.  I grew to care deeply about them and they grew to trust me. Our conversations became more casual. I took pictures of their family together and gave them updates of all baby’s adventures at our home. I want them to be healthy; I want them to succeed.  I will miss them too. We hope to maintain some connection.

I also enjoyed connecting with strangers who stopped to talk with me because I had a clearly black child with me. I love how he broke down cultural barriers. I love how he enabled me to engage with and learn from black culture. I love the advice I got from strangers for everything from hair care to teething.

It was a special 5 months. The last week we got to take him on our family vacation with us. We went to the beach, we hiked on the bluffs, we went to museums—all with him, our little guy.  Sweet baby boy.  So many kisses for those precious cheeks… Then came the morning when I took him to his relative—his new home. It was fun to meet more of the family—they will love him well.

Good bye beautiful boy. I pray that you will always feel loved and cared for. You will always be in our prayers.

It was worth it.

1 thought on “Another Good-bye

  1. Oh celebrating your 5 months of loving and caring for that sweet baby boy!! I love watching your family minister together!! You 5 bless my life!!

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